Early evening, calm air, quiet, and as I step onto the kitchen deck, there’s a slight motion to my left: a Monarch butterfly slowly opening and closing his wings is clinging to the small weathered table by my meditation chair. Even with a garden full of milkweed plants in bloom, we’d not seen a single Monarch this year and now, this graceful October gift arrives as the days grow increasingly cold.
He doesn’t seem to mind when I sit down and close my eyes, and remains just under the table top until I open them, then lifts off. But he’s not flying well, with very uneven movements in large loops, and after a few moments, he falls on the deck, face down in a crevice between two planks. I bend and put my index finger close to his head. He crawls up my finger to the back of my hand and stays. Awed, I stand and examine his body closely as he moves. There seem to be no wounds on his wings or antennae, and all his legs are working fine. I carry him a few steps in the hope of getting him away from the deck but he flies and falls again, his head in another crevice. We try again. He climbs up and stays on my index finger for a short time, then attempts to fly—and falls. On our third try he waits long enough to be let down on a Lenten rose bush at the edge of the deck. There he rests on one broad leaf; another one shades his head. . . He’ll be safe here. . . Is he thirsty? Do butterflies drink? . . . Does he need food? I cut a fresh milkweed blossom from a nearby plant and give it to him. He bends his head and feeds . . . I let him be.
The next day, George and I are having lunch on the deck and I tell him about the butterfly. It had seemed appropriate yesterday to let go of the Monarch’s fate and to wait until it seemed the right moment to look under the leaves of the Lenten rose again. Now. I walk to the edge of the deck. Nothing there: no butterfly, no milkweed blossom. I sit down again, wondering aloud: “Has he flown? Did a bird get him?” Moments later, a Monarch sails back and forth—just one pass each way—and disappears, soaring over the bright red and golden milkweed flowers from plants that, four generations before, had nourished his ancestor in the photograph.
There is so much suffering in the world! Many of us ask, “What can I do?” In every moment, Life offers opportunities to serve a single being: to be present, to see, to listen, to feed, to teach, to learn, to contribute time, energy, knowledge, funds . . . Some needs may seem small compared to the major issues in our world, yet when we respond, every act has invisible wings.
Filed under Uncategorized by Anne Hillman 
AUDACIOUS!
“Audacious!” is how one participant described the first of our three phone-in ‘Conversations’ on Thursday February 12th. If trusting the Mystery is audacious, then so be it! For our growing trust in one another and our vulnerability to the Unknown led each of us, simultaneously, without any plan or suggestion, to drop into the profound and palpable Field for the last 10 or more minutes of our gathering, Here. It was a sacred gift, and for those who’d learned to listen with their bodies, an intense physical experience of the Energies of Love.
For me, it was a tangible confirmation that in the Stillness, even though our minds believed us to be thousands of miles apart, our bodies knew we were unified, One. It was a true communion, an experience of the Light of the Infinite entering the finite world.
For any of you who weren’t able to join us, please know you will be warmly welcomed at the next conversation on February 26 at 4:30. (For access and particulars, see the January 8th post at www.facebook.com/annehillmancommunity). So they may be tailored to your needs, note that I ask that you please send your questions, concerns and comments to me in advance at: anne@annehillman.net
Filed under Uncategorized by Anne Hillman
There’s no way of telling people they’re walking around shining like the sun. –Thomas Merton
You are loved.
You are accepted, held in a vast embrace. There is nothing in you, nothing of character or tendencies, race or sexuality, accomplishment or failure that is not held, not needed. That which you deeply are is deeply wanted.
You are not alone.
You are a child of God—of the Universe. You belong to an activity that is beyond comprehension. Trust it.
You are known, needed.
That which you have sought is seeking you. That which you want to offer to life is greatly desired. You may not yet know what it is, but it is exactly the right gift and only yours to give. Give it.
You are part of a great leap of loving such as the world has never known.
You have work to do. Begin it. Leap into the day and learn what it is to be mad with desire for the One Love.
The world sings in its many voices, “Do you love me?” Respond. Every moment of self-forgetting is an offering; every act of self-giving, a tongue of Fire. Be bread. Be broken. Let go of what you know. Do all you can to find in your heart what your mind can’t comprehend.
Your are Life
You are Love
You are Light
Go shining
*From Anne Hillman, Awakening the Energies of Love ~ Discovering Fire for the Second Time
Filed under Uncategorized by Anne Hillman
Conversations with Anne – 3 Free Webinars
Dear Companions, I’ve been deeply moved by your emails from around the world in response to Awakening the Energies of Love. Now, I’m longing to connect with you in a more personal way. I invite you join me in a series of three phone-in conversations:
Free Webinar Series – Thursdays, February 12, 19 and 26, from 4:30 –5:30 PM PST.
I welcome you to invite a friend, or to gather a group of friends to join us, if you’d like to share the experience. [Please ask them to email me, too].
• What is the difference between attention and awareness?
• How has your sense of identity changed?
• What is under-standing?
• How would I access life differently?
• Why does awakening matter?
Filed under Awakening, awareness, Balance, Change, compassion, Consciousness, embodiment, Inner peace, Intimacy with Life, Love, openheartedness, Support for the Spiritual Journey, Uncategorized by Anne Hillman
EMBODIED AWARENESS
Spring in the Orchard 2013 By AH
As this single bud bursts into glory in its moment, what is coming to fruition in our Time is a different means of perception. This is not a mental act. It is an embodied awareness, a way of living as an individual, and also as relationship. I invite you to experiment with two simple meditative practices. The “Spring Practice” will help you bring your sense of self into your body’s interior space, and to become fully present there. With practice, you will establish a whole-bodied Presence from which to live your life moment-by-moment—no matter what you are doing. The “Summer Practice” lets you strengthen your connection with yourself, and with all living things around you as One. It’s both/and. You might try practicing this deep sensibility alone, then imaginatively with others, and then with a group:
“Spring Practice:” Sit quietly, preferably outdoors. Take time to settle into the gift of this day; to look around and breathe . . . and as you breathe, be aware of what it’s like to be in this place, blessed by all the life around you . . . Perhaps you’re aware of birdsong . . . or the slightest movement of the trees; or the feel of the air on your cheek . . . even its fragrance. So just come into this holy moment of arrival and be here, now. Then, close your eyes and take the time to relax your body in your usual way for a few minutes . . . When you’re feeling less contracted—less defended against the moment—let your sense of self drop down inside your body. Then:
Come into your own Presence . . . and be aware of how you do that . . . Take some time here. Can you feel the subtle sensation of your “you” inhabiting the silence, the spaciousness inside? Rest here a little while . . . Then:
Be your own Presence. Notice your initial response to that statement . . . then pay attention to Presence as your Self . . . Notice how it feels physically to inhabit that Identity. If with others, even in your imagination, then:
Come into the Presence of the group —and be aware of how you do that . . . Lastly, alone or in the group:
Come into the Stillness, the One Presence . . . and abide . . . (End of the Spring Practice)
Introduction to the “Summer Practice”: Animals think with their bodies. So let your animal body lead. Subtler than thought, this shift of orientation will help you let go into an unbroken intimacy with life. Take time first, to do the Spring Practice outdoors, alone or with others, if someone guides the group’s pace. Then alone or with the group, sit or stand with eyes open, while the guide continues with the second meditation, pausing intuitively:
“Summer Practice:” Let your body be your instrument . . . every inch of it aware . . . every inch, open . . . spacious . . . breathing from your interior bodily center. . . .Take some time . . . . Now, see if you can sense, almost as if it were reaching out from behind your back . . . a background awareness . . . softer, and more subtle than thought . . . and very alive. . . . At your own pace, notice how it moves slowly out past your skin . . . extending beyond you . . . until it surrounds and contains you . . . contains your whole body. . . . Rather than use your eyes to envision it, just let your body feel its way . . . it’s own awareness opening out all around you, like a radiant antenna. . . . Now, let your body’s awareness be like a soft, gentle . . . light . . . gradually extending outward . . . in all directions. . . . Diffuse light . . . fully Present and sensing . . . inquiring into the larger Fieldof Presence all around you. You might want to imagine it as your own soul’s light . . . like a halo sensing out into a vast unknown. . . . (After a period of silence) What does this Presence of Awareness feel like in and around your body? . . . Realize that your body doesn’t feel this Presence as any different from itself. It is One with it . . . Try to memorize the subtle sensation of being inside Awareness . . . attentive to the Presence of Awareness. . . .
Now be that Awareness. . . . (End of the Summer Practice)
Dear Companions, This is the Work— not to work. Not to try to make things happen, but simply to be within your body, inhabiting a new identity as We. To attune to Life as Presence, as Embodied Awareness: to listen from it, speak from it, live from it, and take its direction for your life . . . moment . . . by moment . . . by moment. To live as relationship—inwardly connected, inwardly held, inwardly related to all that is—a possibility that’s been within us since the Beginning, waiting for us to let go of ourselves.
This letter is also my own experiment. While many of you who have participated in the last two years’ retreats have told me how profoundly the meditations have affected you, I don’t know how they’ll communicate from the printed page. I do hope you will experience their fullness, as well; they may be a little easier for daily meditators. Please let me know.
With Love,
Anne
Filed under Alignment, Allurement, attention, awareness, Balance, embodiment, group meditation, Inner peace, Intimacy with Life, Intuition, Meditation, meditation practice, quiet mind, Transformation, Uncategorized, Whole-bodied attention by Anne Hillman
WINTER 2013 ~ LIVING AS BEINGS
A Two-Thousand-Year-Old Baobob Tree at Dawn
What if the Mayans were predicting, not the end of the world, but an end to the way we live our lives?
I’ve long been awed by the number of people in the last fifty years who’ve been seeking a spiritual path and practice. Surely, this inner migration is amazing. Something has been drawing us beyond the confines of thought toward a new way of being. So when a friend’s New Year’s greeting began, “Happy New Era!” it seemed the Moment to say, “It’s Time.”
If we were to step up to that challenge, to take responsibility for entering the New Era in each moment and in each day, what would that look like? Might it lead toward a new way of being? To a new identity as Being? To speak from Being . . . listen from it . . . live from it? How could we establish ourselves in that new way of life?
What if in each moment, we simply practiced one thing: we came to rest in our own Presence—our own Divinity—and didn’t judge or resist what that moment offered? It would not be easy. But each time we dropped down into our bodies, fully Present to the moment, to ourselves, and to each other—that would be a true letting go. For that moment, the old would pass away. Perhaps, in time, we’d come to realize that we are indeed, Beings—that what had dawned in this New Era is a Living Light—and that Together, we are a Shining. We manifest it, unabashed and unashamed, and pour ourselves out: our lives, our gifts and our passions. Our Light.
Photograph by Anne Hillman
See more in “Taking Root: An Unbroken Intimacy with Life” in the Fall Kosmos Journal
2013 Three Upcoming Retreats:
Toronto area, April 19-21 An Unbroken Intimacy with Life, A Weekend Retreat
Madison WI, 3 or 5-day options: April 23-25 Taking Root ~ A Depth of Intimacy with Life or with additional days, April 25-27, Depth Perception ~ The Sensation of Light
Filed under Alignment, Allurement, attention, Awakening, awareness, Balance, Change, compassion, Consciousness, Cosmic Creativity, Creativity, Inner peace, Instinct, Intimacy with Life, Intuition, living with contradictions, Love, Nature of Change, openheartedness, overcoming fear, presence, Surrender, Uncategorized, Whole-bodied attention by Anne Hillman
SUMMER 2012 – ONE WITH EXISTENCE
Love is not a feeling. It is an energy that unites. Love joins us to existence by that which is deepest in us. This is the intimate relationship that matters.
At this instant, a baby bird flies onto my windowsill, his silver down blowing in the wind like a gossamer shawl. Perched there, alert and posturing like he owns the place, he stares me straight in the eye, turning his head left and right in abrupt bursts of energy. I stop to watch the tiny creature, then, realize what I’d just written, and shift gears. The bird’s appearance is an example of what I’ve come to call ‘punctuation,’ a cue to reorient myself to Presence, to Unity, to the One—whatever you call the mysterious field in which we’re deeply rooted.
Punctuation is how Unity shows itself to us, comes sailing into our everyday world and surprises us. It intersects our ordinary perspective and puts an exclamation point at the precise moment an important theme has emerged: in writing, in conversation, or in a fleeting thought. Slightly different from synchronicity which may occur at longer intervals, punctuation is instantaneous—a lived experience of being One with life.
We sail into the arms of Unity when we turn away from the digital connections that anesthetize us and find ourselves enlivened by our vibrant connection to the earth and its inhabitants, and to the larger life—to Love. Or when we make meaning of such a moment that points to patterns transcending our own concerns, yet may be vital to the collective. Noting punctuation isn’t ‘primitive thinking.’ It is awe, and combined with thought lends wisdom, depth of meaning, and multiple views of reality that honor a much larger Self.*
*These themes are further developed in the forthcoming fall issue of Kosmos Journal
Filed under Love, Uncategorized by Anne Hillman
I tend to think that new life emerges from seeds, and forget a far more ancient truth. Today, I find myself celebrating the way it can also arise from the very old–like these tiny seedlings sprouted from the living root of a giant redwood tree. This new life simply claims the giant’s root as its own, surrenders to its impetus, and grows towards the light.
How do we cooperate with life’s gradual shaping of the human mind, its painstaking work of drawing us towards the light of greater awareness? As I see it, the action required is to trust the great root on which we stand, and learn to surrender. Some see surrender as defeat, a capitulation to an outer force, but it is really an inner relaxation, into the root. What does this use of the word ‘root’ mean to you? That matters. For when you know what you rest on and can relax into it, your heart opens to life’s secret, its creative impetus conveyed beneath thought: a feeling, an intuition, an image, or a confirming synchronicity. Subtle clues like these remind us that there is infinitely more to life, a reality we barely notice but that the body knows intimately, a wisdom built into the great root on which we live. When we remain exquisitely attuned to life’s presence in this way, it will often surprise us: nudge us to be more authentic, to improvise, to move in a new direction. Its whispered hints may feel absurd, even impossible. But if you dare to follow them, you will be adding more light to life’s deep need for it at this time.
Photo: ‘Redwood Scion and Sprout’ Anne Hillman
Filed under awareness, Consciousness, Creativity, Intuition, Spiritual Support, Surrender, Uncategorized by Anne Hillman
I have been reading your book Awakening the Energies of Love at one of the hardest/richest times of my life. I actually thought I was going crazy, losing my mind (I know this would have it’s upsides), maybe even bi-polar with these wild ups and downs that I have never before experienced. I believe I am slowly experiencing an awakening. I immersed in yoga and meditation this summer and began to experiencing this new sensation- somewhat disturbing! This energy I have been experiencing in my body- voltage- currents- tingling and pulsating in my feet, legs, hands at the third eye center, crown of my head, left frontal cortex- these energy currents my intellect tried to analyze, pathologize. Then- I read pages 240 and 241 and I just began to laugh!!! . . . It is my body- reminding me everyday, with greater and greater intensity that something has changed!! I believe I mistakenly interpreted these sensations as fear, anxiety, panic . . . I also believe that I interpreted this as fear and insecurity out of a self-defeating pattern of “I don’t deserve this kind of joy” messaging. . . Is my story somewhat common? With Gratitude!!! Lori
Dear Lori, . . . I’m happy that you have been helped by reading Awakening the Energies of Love. It sounds like you are listening hard to your body’s messages and interpreting what you ‘hear’ in ways that are useful to you. I wish I could answer your questions, but I’m afraid don’t feel qualified to do so. . . . During the periods I described in the book, I was working with a qualified professional I could trust to guide me.
I think it can be exceedingly helpful to be guided through the process you are describing by a reliable teacher or a PhD level therapist who is fully trained and they can better answer your questions. There are a lot of junk-helpers out there; It’s important to be selective. I don’t know where you live. . . Given your financial circumstances . . . I’d be inclined to recommend that you be in touch with SEN, the Spiritual Emergence Network http://www.spiritualemergence.info/. It is a highly respected organization founded maybe 20-30 years ago specifically for people like you who may be awakening and are wondering about the kind of symptoms you describe (and other symptoms too). Best of all it is free. They are centered at ITP, the Institute for Transpersonal Psychology in Palo Alto, CA but have professional affiliates in the field of Transpersonal Psychology all over the world. You can trust this organization and its affiliates. Lori. it is a temptation to Google the subject and try to read about it and buy more books but I urge you to consider not trying to make this a “do it yourself” project. If you’ve reached the admonishments I wrote about on pages 249-250, there are very good reasons for caution as well as for celebration!
With blessing, Lori,
Warmly,
~ Anne ~
Filed under Awakening, awareness, Uncategorized by Anne Hillman
